Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
