Apparently you make a good broom.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
