I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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