I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
