I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
