Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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