People in love make me want to vomit
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
