did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Randomize
