This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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