oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
