Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
