is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
