So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
