First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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