he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize