I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
