The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Randomize
