my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think I am morally bankrupt
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
