Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
