I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
