Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i now understand why vodka
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
