You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
