Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
