Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
