Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
