This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
