so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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