Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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