apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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