i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
