Whats the glycemic index on semen?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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