Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
