I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He passed out mid-signature
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
