he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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