1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
