her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize