Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
