I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
