If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
