She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
