My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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