Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
