an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
