I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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