If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
did i just pee glitter
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
