My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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