i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
