All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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