so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
