He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize