She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
