Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I want her autograph on my taint
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
