i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
