Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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