I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
