paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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