I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
