I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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