I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
