dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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