The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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