ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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