I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
