dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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