please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
