i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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