i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
